The therapist with problems

I’m not perfect, I have problems.  There I said it.  I said it because it’s true.  Some of my clients want to believe that I am perfect, that I have it all figured out and have no issues as a parent, friend or partner.  They want to believe that I practice what we talk about perfectly, I never get anxious, I am devote at my meditations and I can stay zen in any given situation.  Not to mention that I have never suffered from depression or really messed up a relationship.  If you are one of those clients please stop reading this now.  I understand the need to think that I, as your therapist, must be perfect.  I mean how can you take advice from someone who doesn’t have it all figured out.  (Again if you want to maintain that image stop reading now 🙂 ). 


The reality is I am flawed, I have problems, I have fought “dirty” with my husband before, I have lost my patience with my kids and my family, – well don’t even get my started on my family.  You know how everyone has one of “those” family members, while I am sure there are members in my family who might tell you I am that person.  I also procrastinate (like now when I should be working on my website but I am blogging instead).  It’s ok though because I am a work in progress and I am learning as I grow.  So why am I confessing on the internet and on a blog that is connected to my business website that I have problems?  Because we all have problems.  We are all human.  Most days we get it right.  On those other days, well we don’t.  We mess up.  We take a step, or two, backwards (just try not to forget the hundreds of steps you took forward, instead of beating yourself up about the step or two backwards).  Sometimes we find ourselves responding in ways, reacting to things or acting in a manner that we have long since abandoned for a newer, more mature, improved us.  And you know what, that’s ok too. 


Many clients think that they are the only one with problems or who have felt this way.  That is very isolating and makes people feel lost and hopeless.  It can also feel very shameful to be the only one with problems.  Many clients ask me how I know so much about them with only meeting so briefly.  It’s because I have had the privilege of working with hundreds of individuals, couples and families and we often share similar painful, private, shameful struggles. 


Many clients also think that they should be able to go to therapy, resolve the problem and move on with their lives.  Forever changed.  Forever better.  Never slipping up or looking back and certainly never needing therapy again (because that would be shameful).  The reality is that we all slip up, we all regress, we all need support all along the way.  Growth and learning, because in many ways that is what therapy is- growth and learning a new way of being, is not a straight forward journey.  There are many bumps along the path.  There are times when the path is blocked and we have to back track and try a different route.  There are even times when one path is working out great and then the terrain changes and we need to relearn and adjust as we go.  So I am admitting on the internet, in a blog that is connected to my business website that I am not perfect and that I have problems because I think it is important to realize that we are all growing and learning and if you are not then you are likely dead.  I’d rather be learning and imperfect than dead.  Have a perfectly flawed day.            


2 thoughts on “The therapist with problems

  1. Wise words and encouragement…. And let’s never forget the old saying…. We learn from our mistakes and from our not being perfect! It is our imperfections that colour the world!

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